Getting up to pee in the middle of the night
You woke up in the middle of the night. It’s pitch black and you don’t want to turn on the light lest you wake your peacefully slumbering husband/wife. You tiptoe to the bathroom delicately but manage to smash into absolutely everything in the room on the way. And if you are among the significant portion of the population that pees while standing, chances are your aim will be a disaster.
Putting on makeup
Applying makeup requires that you get within half an inch of the mirror (and sometimes smack your face on it) which, of course, ruins your mascara which leaves what looks like a dead spider printed on your eyelid. And if you managed to put your makeup on properly, the second you put your glasses on you can say goodbye to all your hard work.
No need to explain this one. The combination of being short sighted and taking a shower is a perfect one and certainly not dangerous in the least bit.
During the steamy summer months, your glasses take a trip down the bridge of your nose. What? They don’t deserve a vacation??
If just one half of the lovey dovey pair has frames, you’re good. But trying to kiss when both people wear glasses feels like a really not fun round of bumper cars. But instead of cars, it’s your face.
Seeing a movie in 3-D
If you thought that putting on glasses is a little uncomfortable, you should try putting on the 3-D vision glasses they hand out in theaters. You might as well ask them to turn down the volume so you can take a pop-corny nap instead cause putting those things on over your regular glasses just ain’t gonna happen.
People are constantly asking you why you don’t get contacts. Like it’s not a big deal at all to shove your fingers in your eyeballs on a daily basis. *shudder*
That moment when it’s pouring outside and you find yourself walking down the street as your glasses slowly get covered in drops of water and all you want to do is put on your windshield wipers. Except you don’t have any. And now you have to be some kind of superhero with special powers and walk down the street without knocking down any old ladies.- Advertisement -
As opposed to most people who don’t put on glasses, you have to deal with the constant fear that your glasses are going to flying off your face as you enjoy one of terrifying loop-de-loops on a rollercoaster. Instead of enjoying yourself, you’re holding onto your glasses and praying.
When other people ask to try your glasses on for just a sec like they are going, by some miracle, to improve their vision, and then they turn to you and squint and say: “Wow. I can’t see ANYTHING.” Shocking.
Or the ones who are even worse and don’t even ask. They just grab your glasses right off your face as if they aren’t an extension of one of your senses.
Sleeping with glasses
You can’t lie down properly on your bed without feeling the glasses digging into your face. When it happens, you’re shocked that the glasses are still on and wake up with a red mark on your face.
- Advertisement -
That feeling of panic that you get before you go to get your eyes tested. You know that your vision hasn’t been 20/20 for a long time and yet, every time you get your eyes tested, you feel like you’re about to be branded a grandmother with cokebottle glasses.
Losing your glasses
That embarrassing and totally pathetic moment when you lose your glasses but can’t find them because you don’t have any glasses on.
The endless need to polish your glasses with your shirt or some other piece of fabric. They get so dirty so fast that sometimes you’re not sure if it’s the glasses or if life just has blurry spots.
Dressing up for Halloween
Every year, you have to try again to find an original idea for a famous character that wears glasses.
You have to see this.
When someone tells you to look at something quickly but by the time you get your glasses out, the rhinoceros or dancing chicken or unicorn or yeti has already gone on its way.
Swimming without glasses
During a swim in the pool or the ocean, it’s hard to get by without glasses but, of course, you will have to take them off before you get in the water because otherwise you will definitely lose them forever. You’ll probably leave them on your towel and pray not to hit someone head on while swimming laps, or worse – come face to face with a jelly fish and not even know until it’s too late.
Choosing a new frame for you glasses becomes a critical, life changing decision. As if you’re purchasing a house or picking a new career, because this decision is going to affect you and the way you look for a good number of years. So don’t mess up!
The nightmare of anyone who wears glasses. If you’ve ever tried drinking coffee, tea or hot chocolate while wearing glasses, you know that the two just don’t mix. The dilemma – wipe them with each sip or wait till you’re done drinking?
Whenever you enter or leave a building, especially in the summer, you need to switch your frames. UGHHHHH.
“Take ’em off”
People who ask you to take your glasses off and then say something like, “Wow! You look so much better without them!” Um. Thanks?